Author: Johnben

I started a new online peer support group for men over the weekend. It is a free support group using Google+ communities, an extension of the men’s work that I do as a therapist at Rekindle International Marriage & Family Therapy Center (Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia). I hope for it to be a resource for men to find good support from other men, not just from me. And it is open for men to join via a recommendation by an existing member.

Below is the first weekly reflection I posted on the group. I am posting it here to share the heart of why I started this online community and to encourage other men interested to contact me if they would like to join. Continue reading “Empowering Men – A New Online Support Group”

When BFM 89.9 contacted me to do a show on the topic of “how to affair-proof your marriage,” I said, “sure, I know about that topic.” Little did I know, however, that when you type in these words in Google — how to affair proof your marriage — it results in pages and pages of advice on just how to do that!

But I did not search the internet prior to the BFM show. Armed only with my training and a decade plus years of experience helping couples to work through relationship infidelity, I went on air with Meera Sivasothy and we chatted. [Scroll down to listen to the podcast.]

Continue reading “Interview on How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage: Sharing & Connecting”

It’s been a week since Valentine’s Day and the airing of the BFM 89.9 interview with Meera Sivasothy on The Bigger Picture. The topic of our conversation: Expats Looking For Love Locally.

As a Chinese Malaysian man married to a Caucasian expat woman, I sometimes feel like I have a right to speak about the expat-local intimate relationship. However, when I consider the many different expat-local couple clients whom I have seen, I would have to maintain that not all expat-local couples are the same.

Continue reading “Expats Looking For Love Locally”

If you are married with a good number of children and you (or your spouse) are doing well financially, chances are, it will be a pleasure for you to meet up with extended family this Chinese New Year.

But what about those who have just suffered a relationship break-up, or dropped out of school, or lost a job? Or those who are still, despite trying hard, unable to find a life-partner or have children of their own? What might family gatherings be like for them?

Potentially awkward.

Continue reading “How to Handle Awkward “Interrogations” at Family Gatherings”

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. ~ Confucius

When I was a child, my father used to ask me what I would do when I grow up.

“Do business,” I would reply.

It was the right answer to give. After all, my father was a strong and influential businessman. I could not conceive of myself giving another answer even though I had other interests, like music.

It was a struggle for me in my first year of university when I broke the news to my father that I was switching my studies from business into psychology. He was upset and lectured me for 5 minutes over the phone, ending his lecture with: “it would be better for you to switch into music — then you could at least earn a bit of money as a piano teacher!”

I felt mocked. So I retorted, “I am actually majoring in music and minoring in psychology.”

I heard an exasperated sigh on the other end of the phone, and then a click. He had hung up.

Continue reading “Discover Your True Passion (And Don’t Give Up Trying)”

If you could ask a marriage and family therapist a question that mattered to you, what question might you ask?