Tell me…

If you could ask a marriage and family therapist a question that mattered to you, what question might you ask?

4 Replies to “Tell me…”

  1. Dear Johnben,

    I found listening to your BFM interviews useful. Perhaps, the rationale and calming voice resonated well with me. Perhaps it was just that any advice seems adequate until I found myself re-listening to the ‘Affair-proof’ BFM podcast several times. Yes, I’m a basket case; torn and ripped apart by my relationship issues. I can assure you it’s not something you’d inordinately find in your case notes.

    Noting that I wont be able to afford counselling, hearing you on radio was refreshing. Noting also that many men out there might find counselling unaffordable, I’d decided to ‘do’ something where the ‘hapless’ and ‘hopelessness of situations’ can be heard etc.

    I’m no saint but I know I’m a good father and I love my kids. The pain and dismay I carry daily is tormenting, so much so, at times I wonder why I haven’t gone bonkers! So to alleviate my own ‘shit,’ I thought I’d not be self-focused but by reaching out – to tell my fellow men that what can we collectively do. I’ve started something on FB, I’m calling ‘The Centre for Fatherhood.’ It is described as: “The Centre for Fatherhood is an advocacy, support group, learning & development, social-economic and recreational community – for fathers, fathering and fatherhood matters. For all fathers, young and ‘the young-at-heart’ [and prospective ones] who love their sons and daughters, and their children’s mother[s]; for fathers who are present, at times absent, sometimes errant and itinerant; fathers who are forgotten, misunderstood, mistreated yet are hopeful; always loving, giving and forgiving; playful and fun, compassionate, dependable and responsible.”

    It hasn’t got traction yet, just something virtual with friends invited.

    What do you think?


    1. Hi Andrew, thanks for dropping by and sharing with me.

      First of all, your courage to share you struggles more openly is very encouraging, and taking one more step to spearhead a community initiative is, for me, true leadership from the heart! Kudos to you! I imagine it will take time to develop this community. And there is an emotional balancing act to achieve in terms of getting help for oneself and helping others at the same time. If you can work out that balance, it will likely be an enriching experience — I have and am doing one myself, spearheading-and-being-a-part-of a men’s group initiative, something I am experimentally referring to as “A-Men Forum” (A = authenticity). For your interest in fatherhood, you may also wish to check out Focus on the Family in Malaysia.

      I have an agreement with BFM to do a regular monthly call-in show, every second-Wednesday of the month on The Bigger Picture (@ 3pm). If the right topic comes along, perhaps you may wish to call in and participate. My desire in doing media work is precisely to reach people who cannot afford my “international” rates as a therapist. I am glad that you reached out and connected!

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